Fear In, Love Out
Creativity takes courage.
To connect to our creativity, we have to navigate all the stories we’ve told, and been told, about creativity and why it isn’t for us. It can feel deeply vulnerable.
So today I want to introduce you to my favourite tool for moving through fear.
I call it Fear In, Love Out — and it’s a practice I use everyday whenever I need to summon courage.
where it comes from
Fear In, Love Out is drawn from a Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice called Tonglen, which I first learned about in the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. In Tibetan, Tonglen means “giving and receiving” and it’s a practice of connecting to and transforming suffering. It’s ancient and beautiful and you can dive in and learn more about it from experienced teachers, like this one.
Ten thousand thanks and apologies to any Tibetan Buddhists reading this!
Mine is the Hawaiian pizza version — a bite-sized, repurposed practice that does injustice to the original (hopefully not too much), but helps me everyday.
How to practice
Inhale slowly and say to yourself (silently) “Fear in”.
Exhale slowly and say to yourself “Love out”.
Repeat a few times, or as many as you need.
And that’s it — we breath in whatever is feeling hard or painful, and we breath out love.
How it works
Fear In, Love Out is powerful because it:
reminds us of our agency and our ability to meet, acknowledge and transform hard things
reconnects us to love, which the foundation for creating great work and connecting with people, and
helps us take responsibility for ourselves and the energy we’re putting out into the world.
If the words fear or love feel vague or inaccessible, play around with language that works for you.
For me, “Fear In” is a catch-all for whenever I’m feeling anxious, scared, overwhelmed, unsettled, restless, or otherwise needing to ground myself or summon courage.
“Love Out” is a catch-all for connection, curiosity, generosity, perspective, positive regard, kindness, clarity, courage, joy.
It’s also fine not to over-think it. I’ve found that I don’t necessarily need to interrogate my feelings or direct the practice toward anything specific. It’s enough just to say the words silently to myself, and let them do their work.
Now — if this sounds a bit out there, just know that I’ve taken the entire people leadership cohort of a very serious government department through Fear In, Love Out, and nothing bad happened. Even the busiest and most important among us can benefit from tapping into love and the mysteries of life from time to time!
when to use it
Fear In, Love Out can help us respond to anything that feels scary or exposing or uncomfortable — and so it’s great for creativity.
Staring at a blank page? Fear In, Love Out.
Learning a new skill? Fear In, Love Out.
Coming back to an old skill? Fear In, Love Out.
Made a mistake or failed spectacularly? Fear In, Love Out.
Stepping on stage? Fear In, Love Out.
Setting or holding a boundary? Fear In, Love Out.
Committing to a practice? Fear In, Love Out.
Getting ready to share your work or ideas? Fear In, Love Out.
Fear In, Love Out transforms us.
“I hope I don’t embarrass myself in front of all these people” becomes “I wonder how I can connect and laugh and be of service to these people”.
“This is silly, frivolous, pointless, unserious” transforms into “This is purposeful, fun, healthy, exciting”.
Fear, anxiety, panic, uncertainty, shame, transform into love, openness, curiosity, assurance, adventure.
What works for you?
So there you have it — Fear In, Love Out. The practice that helps me summon courage when I need it, which is all the time.
Do you have a favourite tool for moving through fear? Let me know, I’d love to start a collection.
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studio life
This week I got out my watercolours, which is always a masterclass in lowering the stakes and releasing control. No one can tell watercolours what to do! I’m also exploring how I can get a painting to feel like it’s exploding out the side of the canvas.
Creative power to you.
Kate x
Want to learn more about my leadership coaching practice grounded in creativity, or interested in working together? Get in touch at hello@kateyesberg.com